So Sabotage

     That afternoon at the lunch table, Sonny acted a bit…distracted, at the least.  At the most she outright just wasn’t paying attention.  Every couple seconds her gaze flitted absent-mindedly from their sketch-in-progress to the area Chad Dylan Cooper had long claimed as belonging to Mackenzie Falls.  The snooty cast of the beloved hour-long drama sat together as if all were parts of one big body, like knights encircling their round table, Chad Dylan Cooper sitting happy as a king at the head.  

     Tawni was the first to notice Sonny’s ill-timed behavior.  “Seriously, Mackenzie Falls again, Sonny? Been there, done that.”  

     Sonny, still lazing around in “la-la-land”, didn’t budge an inch, her chin resting day-dreamily on the palm of her hand.  Unbelievable.  

     Tawni tried again.  “Seriously, Sonny - ”  

     Still, no Sonny upstairs.  Tawni tried one more time, but the only one to pay her any mind was a slowly escalating migraine.  

     After several failed attempts from everyone at their tiny table to reclaim their newest cast member’s attention, Zora pounded a fist into the table as swiftly as if it were a mallet.  Sonny jolted from her trance.  Brought unkindly back to reality, she shook her head with more vigor than a fish out of water.  

     “Sorry, guys, I guess I was just…out of it again,” Sonny said, Tawni rolling her eyes at the lame apology, “but I have the best idea!”  Sonny’s eyes lit up with the discovery she planned to thrust, willingly or not, upon her cast-mates.  

     Silence.  

     “It better not involve Chad Dylan Cooper,” Nico said, giving Sonny a look.  Grady backed him up with another look, though Sonny felt more like laughing her guts up than shaking in her boots by that point.    

     “Well…,” Sonny started, a smile creeping along the muscles in her face.  

     “We’re not blind,” Tawni said, “You’ve been paying more attention to the conversation over at Mackenzie Falls’ table, and you haven’t even been listening to a word I’ve said. There’s just something wrong with that…,” her eyes widened as she noticed the food that adorned their plates, “…and the fact that they can get steaks and I can’t!”  

     “Seriously, steaks again, Tawni?”  

     Tawni did a double-take at the words that flew out of Sonny’s mouth.  

     “Been there, done that. See? I was listening,” Sonny said sweetly.  She turned her attention back to the group.  “Anyway, my idea does involve Chad Dylan Cooper - ”  

     Groans were heard all around.  

     “It involves a way to get Chad Dylan Cooper back for all those times he dissed So Random.”

     Another silence.  

     “But how’re we supposed to ‘get him back’?” Zora said, “He outsmarted us once, he outsmarted us twice…let’s face it, he’s smarter than us!”  

     Sonny didn’t let her smile waver.  “He may be smarter, but not funnier.”  She could see light bulbs flickering on in each of their heads, permitting her to continue with her proposition.  

     “What if the great Chad Dylan Cooper - ”  

     “Had to come up with a sketch for So Random?”    

     “Or better yet, Chad Dylan Cooper was in a sketch for So Random,” Sonny said.  And the light bulbs stopped flickering and stayed bright.  

     “That’s perfect!”  

     “Brilliant!”  

     “Yeah, he’s so…,” Grady struggled to find the word, “dramatic. He’d never survive in comedy.”  

     Sonny felt the pleasant presence of agreement permeate their table, and unlike the time she pitched her first sketch idea, they all seemed to like her idea this time around, but someone still managed to see one teeny-tiny hole in the fabrication of her plan.  And that someone was Tawni.  

     “That may be a perfect and brilliant plan, but there’s one teeny-tiny problem. How are we going to get Chad Dylan Cooper, the drama king, on our show? It’s not like he’s just going to waltz on over here and ask to be a guest star on So Random.”  

     “Well, if it isn’t comedy hour at the So Random table….”  Sonny jumped at the voice coming up behind her and looked up and backward to see none other than Chad Dylan Cooper.  

     “Get lost, pretty boy, we’re talking about you,” Zora said.  Her spunk was to be admired, but her tact was another thing entirely.  

     Chad Dylan Cooper shook it off.  “As much as I would love to, I have a proposition for you all.”  They stared at him, bewildered.  

     “How would you like for me to offer my talents as a guest star on So Random?”  He made it sound like he was doing them a favor.  The strangest part about his proposition was that he actually was doing them a favor.  He practically walked right into the trap they had yet to set for him.  It couldn’t get any better than that.  

     Sonny scrunched her eyes as yet another idea hit her.  

     Or maybe it could.  


     “…okay, we’re just about to go on. Any questions?”  As Sonny finished prepping Chad Dylan Cooper back-stage, she decided it was about time she put Operation: Dethrone Drama King into action.

     “Just one,” Chad answered her, “What’s the sketch?”  

     Sonny placed a finger to her lips as she shushed him.  “You’ll ruin the surprise.”  He eyed her strangely.  She explained.    

     “Please, an actor of your sophistication? You’re so good, you don’t need to know the sketch beforehand.”  

     “I don’t?”  There was just a flicker of panic in his eyes, but it disappeared so quickly, Sonny wondered if she imagined it was ever there.  

     “No,” she waved him off, laughing hysterically.  

     That same smug look returned to Chad’s face.  “Yeah. Yeah, I am good, aren’t I?”  Sonny nodded fervently.  “I don’t need to know the sketch.”  He chuckled nervously, as if the very notion was an absurd one.  Sonny laughed even harder.  

     “So,” Chad said, “you’d really let me walk out there blind, even though I’ve never done comedy before in my life?”  He was testing the waters, she knew, but she didn’t have to let him know that she knew.  

     “You know, Chad, some people are just…naturally funny, and a script only inhibits their abilities.”  She hoped, prayed, that he was falling for this; it sounded so bogus that even she had trouble believing the words coming out of her mouth.  Luckily, he didn’t seem to catch on to the plan.  

     “Don’t I need a costume, or something?”  

     “You don’t need a costume,” Sonny said matter-of-factly, her metallic knight visor sliding back over her eyes.  She slid it back up and into place.  “A great actor lets the audience use their imagination.”  Again, Chad seemed to fall for the plan.  Fluffing his collar arrogantly, he certainly didn’t have any trouble falling for her ego-fluffing.  
  
     In the next second, Chad Dylan Cooper looked positively confused.  “But, you have a costume.”  
  
     “Oh, never mind about the costume!” Sonny said, “Tonight, you won’t need a costume; when you walk on-stage, you’ll wow the crowd no matter what.”  She threw her hands into the air and wiggled her fingers in exaggeration.  “Just wait for your cue.”  

     He nodded.  “Wait, what’s my cue?”  

     “The King.”  Then she left, leaving Chad Dylan Cooper puzzled, but ready.  Ready to put his own plan into action.  

     After preparing their newest addition for the night’s show, Sonny rejoined the others in a huddle.  As their silent snickers, hoots, and hollers came under control, Sonny reported on the status of Chad Dylan Cooper.  

     “You think we can really pull this off?” Grady said, “You’re sure Chad Dylan Cooper’s not on to us?”  

     “Yeah, he may be a stuck-up and overly dramatic ‘actor’, but he can be pretty crafty when he needs to be,” Nico said.  

     “And smart!” Zora piped.  

     “Well, it doesn’t matter if Chad Dylan Cooper is crafty and smart because Chad Dylan Cooper is going down!”  

     “Can we please stop saying Chad Dylan Cooper? It’s getting annoying,” Tawni said.  

     As the announcer sounded, they all trooped on set, their knight costumes clanging slightly as they walked.  The sketch opened on a large round table set against a backdrop of a castle interior, all five of them gathered around said table.  Zora leaned forward, repeatedly banging a plastic golden goblet into the wood.  “Order, order in King Arthur’s court!”  

     Nico and Grady raised their hands in earnest.  “Ooh, ooh! I’d like an order of nuggets.”  

     “Yeah, and an extra-large orange soda.”  

     “Very funny,” Zora said as she sat back down in her seat, “but he’ll be here any minute, and he doesn’t understand funny. We can’t afford to upset the head of the castle!”  

     “Yeah, we’re not talking about a time-out or a go-to-your-dungeon,” Sonny said, “We’re talking about an ‘off with their heads!’ He won’t be too happy to see his knights of the round table goofing off…he is the King.”

     Chad entered, his mere presence met with a round of applause, whistles, and whoops from the live audience.  His befuddled expression slowly melted into one displaying a mound of conceited confidence.  Sonny, Zora, Nico, Grady, and even Tawni held hands over their mouths in an effort to muffle any laughs that might escape.  Here they were, dressed in extravagant wardrobe, and Chad Dylan Cooper was decked out in a measly suit and tie.  

     Tawni stood and rushed over to the King, halting just a foot in front of him.  “Oh, King…we weren’t goofing off or saying you weren’t funny or anything like that…please don’t chop off my head!”  She enfolded her hands together and raised them in a mock-prayer to go along with her plea.  

     Chad just stood there, not saying a word.  He darted his eyes around lazily, pretending not to notice she even stood before him.  Oh, come on…even without a script, Chad Dylan Cooper had to have something to say to that.  Even so, Sonny decided to prompt him.  

     “Yeah, and-and…to show how much we respect you, let us treat you to a meal prepared just for you.”  Sonny also leapt to her feet and pulled out the chair at the head of the table that was clearly intended for him.  She motioned for him to sit.  

     Chad rolled his eyes and trod slowly toward the table, but stopped mid-way.  He shuffled his feet.  The audience roared with laughter.  

     What was he doing?  Okay, they knew Chad Dylan Cooper really wasn’t funny, but not saying anything, and not budging an inch?  The sketch was going to go no where at this point, and what was more – he was actually getting laughs.  Maybe they hadn’t gone over every inch of their plan entirely in detail, but Sonny knew that that definitely was one thing that wasn’t supposed to happen.  

     “Okay,” Sonny said in exasperation as she moved toward Chad, “ding-ding-ding, dinnertime, King.”  Placing both hands on Chad’s back, she scooted him forward, propelling his body unwillingly toward the table.  Even more laughter exuded from the audience.  Stopping Chad in front of his seat, she moved behind the chair, gripping it with all her might.  “Why don’t you sit down, King.”  

     Chad still stood upright.  Again, what was he doing?  He was ruining their sketch!  Only when Zora kicked him from underneath the table did he plop downward, and utilizing her awesome sense of timing, Sonny whisked the chair further out from under him.  Chad Dylan Cooper landed square on his behind.  

     By now, the audience was in hysterics.  He wasn’t supposed to be getting laughs, they were supposed to be laughing at him!

     Then, the dramatic music played over the sound…hold it – dramatic music?  Their sketch didn’t call for dramatic music!  Finally deciding to move, Chad abruptly jumped up and ran off-set.  Well, that was unexpected.  And still, he was the one getting laughs!       

     Everyone else on-set froze, not knowing quite what to make of his performance.  Looks like their little plan to dethrone Chad Dylan Cooper had been upstaged by Chad Dylan Cooper himself.

     Sonny laughed, her nerves finally getting the better of her.  “The King has left the building!”  

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     Sonny face-slammed into a plate of mush.  Last night had been an utter disaster.  She had been so sure Operation: Dethrone Drama King was fool-proof….  Force the drama star into a comedy show…it was so perfect.  Nothing could have gone wrong…

     …unless Chad Dylan Cooper had a little operation of his own.  

     “That’s it!”  Sonny popped up from her lunch.  

     “What’s it?” Tawni said, clearly annoyed.  

     “Chad Dylan Cooper did all that stuff on purpose! He tried to sabotage our sketch.”  She stuck her hands on her hips in emphasis.    

     “Guess our plan to ‘dethrone the drama king’ was a failure,” Zora sighed.  “I told you he was too smart for us!”  

     “I don’t know about that,” Nico said, “we got a lot of laughs last night.”  

     “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Sonny said.  “The plan was to make So Random look better than Mackenzie Falls…so our plan was actually a success.”  

     Sonny turned her head when she heard laughter exploding over at the Mackenzie Falls’ table.  It didn’t bother her.  It didn’t bother her one bit.  She returned her attention to her own table.  

     “Hey, guys…what if - ”  

     “No!”